


Dick Of Doom

by belizafryler



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, crack!fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-04-18
Packaged: 2018-03-23 12:25:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3768379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/belizafryler/pseuds/belizafryler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tris and I need to be supervised at all times.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dick Of Doom

In the beginning, there was love, and only love. Love was void, it was without form. Two of the void of diversity collided. Bang. Love became light. Love became the vastness of eternity.

Belle sat content in her library, reading whatever managed to amuse her… typically a romance novel. [Probably a porno]

Rumpel had gotten lost in the castle, he should know his way around it by now, but he was distracted - a glimmer in the mirror.

“Oh, dearie, dearie, dear, I’m seeing stars.”

Rumpel wobbled around struggling to keep balance with his cane. He fell in a dramatic fashion, nearly identical to figure-skating.

From the mirror, a figure emerged. The figure was brilliant, it was blinding.

“Hush now Rumpelstiltskin, we have work to do.”, a hoarse voice said. The figure carried Rumple into the mirror, departing to a separate realm.

Belle finally looked up from her book at that, watching as her master disappeared into a fit of magic. “Hmm,” she thought. “Well now I can safely use my toys…” she smiled mischieviously to herself. A look in her eyes indicated satisfaction but desire.

Belle carried herself regally up the stairs, a skip in her step as she waltzed over to her bedroom. Where she had found these toys, she couldn’t remember. But she was fairly certain Rumpelstiltskin didn’t know about them. She prayed he didn’t, at least. To know that she used toys on herself would be mortifying.

Belle looked around cautiously before going to her secret hiding place (under her damn pillows, like a child with secrets) and taking out the 12 inch dildo. It was green and scaly, just the way she pictured Rumpel’s to be. She struggled with her skirt under the pillows, trying to lift it far enough that she could slide the dildo into her slick folds. She moaned at the first contact.

“Rumpel!” she shouted in ecstasy. “Rumpelrumpelrumpel PLEASE!” she begged, pretending it was in fact his cock that was teasing her, instead of a damn dildo.

Rumpelstiltskin’s ears twitched up as he heard his little maid calling for him. “I must go,” he told the brilliant figure that had kidnapped him. “My little maid needs me.” he explained, and didn’t bother to wait for a response before poofing into Belle’s rooms. “Belle?” he asked.

“Rumpel!” she shrieked, horror colouring her pretty features.

Rumpelstiltskin looked curiously at her. “You’re- You said my name. Thrice.. So I came.” he explained, trying to look anywhere but up her skirt. He was failing miserably.

Both sat there, in a haze of blushing. It was like hours, but only seconds, before Belle rushed to her feet and pulled her skirt down.

Rumpelstiltskin took a step forward and grabbed harshly at her skirt. “No, don’t.” he said in a singsong voice. He pushed her back onto the bed and lifted her skirt, the dildo still stuck in her babymaking supplies.

Belle glanced up at him in shock. “What?” she asked. 

“Well, dearie, as you’ve clearly imagined me… What if I were to give you the real deal?” Rumpel offered slyly.

“Yes!” Belle found herself shrieking [or soaking ;)] with joy. “Please, Rum, I’ll be so good.”, she promised.

“I’m sure you will be, dearest,” Rumpelstiltskin snapped his fingers and his clothes disappeared. “Beg for me.” he demanded.

She strongly desired for Rumpel’s goods, but he was making it so hard for her.

“Please? Rumpel, I need you to satisfy me, make love to me!”

“Such filthy words from my pretty maid’s mouth.” Rumpelstiltskin tsked, amusement colouring his features. “Lay down on the bed,” he instructed and she rushed up to do as he’d bade. “Say my name, say it like I heard you moaning it!”

Belle writhed under his ministrations. “Ru-Rumpel!” she cried out. He rewarded her by tracing the inside of her folds with his index finger, causing her to moan and writhe in pleasure. He went farther and deeper. Belle moaned “OH, RUMPEL, OH, MORE.”

Rumpel teased, “More? How much more, dearie?”

Belle looked at him straight in the eye and spoke seriously, “I want your goddamn cock in me RIGHT NOW RUMPELSTILTSKIN!”

“You want some of my magic?” he winked. “You know, all magic comes with a price...”

“The library!” Belle exclaimed, without thought.

“Excuse me?” Rumpel was confused. She loves her library, she wouldn’t trade it, not even for sex.

“IN THE LIBRARY. RIGHT NOW. LET’S DO IT IN THE LIBRARY.” Belle demanded in her most serious tone. Rumpel had never been so turned on.

“But, dearie, we still have to negotiate a price.” Rumpel would not stop teasing her, he was enjoying it so much.

Belle glanced up at him slyly. “I’ll have to stay in your room from now on.” she decided.

“Deal!” Rumpelstiltskin let out an impish laugh and briskly lifted her into his long arms. He carried her to the library with such speed, carrying her like a delicate flower nonetheless.

Belle giggled hysterically. She was finally fucking getting laid. She wrapped her arms around Rumpel’s neck and began to kiss at his face.

“Woah, slow down, I haven’t even unbuttoned my breeches.” He said in his cutest voice. Rumpel was moving so quickly to disrobe that he was tripping in his own clothing.

Whoosh. The mirror over the dresser had glimmered.

“Oh, dearie, what is it now?” Rumpel grabbed the sheets to cover his… green, scaly, DICK OF DOOM.

“Rumpelstiltskin, we must take care of… certain matters.” It was the brilliant figure from the mirror realm.

“Go the fuck away,” Belle snapped. “I’m about to get laid! I’d like to get to it!” And she threw a shoe at the mirror, breaking it easily.

The figure dissolved, as the mirror was required to project his presence.

Rumpel was pissed… He was “out of the mood.”

Belle leaned her head into his shoulder, rubbing Rumpel’s arms. “I love you...”


End file.
